Friday, April 25, 2014

Going Home

You may have noticed that I haven't been online at all lately, there are reasons. Since we have come to an agreement and our family has been informed, I think I'm ready to talk about it.

My husband and I have done a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, and a lot of soul searching. We have decided that our marriage just isn't working for us. The reaction wasn't exactly what we expected. The kids are cool with it, but family and friends seem disturbed. The neighbor actually cried. Meanwhile, we're looking at each other wondering what the hell is wrong with people. We're both fine. It's a mutual agreement that was very thoroughly thought out. It being a decision based on reasonable and logical matters should be the perfect explanation on why it's not working for us. The ones closest to us saw it coming, which explains why none of the people involved are upset. We thought it through, we have a plan, there are no bad feelings and everything has been worked out to both parties' satisfaction.

Well, Walter was upset for a minute. He's already got his schedule picked out for next year, he's already toured the High School. He's not worried about leaving his friends, he knows he'll see them when he comes to visit his dad and he knows he has them on Facebook and texting. He's worried about leaving his school. and so am I. Which, ironically, was exactly the piece that made the decision for us. For the school to be the only reason I would hesitate to get a divorce is fucked up. There needs to be more to a marriage than a school. It breaks my heart to leave the schools but I can only do what is best for us and hope that the work I have put in isn't wasted. I have hope that it will help someone else.

I could find a way to stay here, but I won't. As much as there needs to be more to marriage than a school district, there needs to be more to life. There is nothing here for me. I'm here because my husband is here, and I can't say there's anything here that I really care about. No friends, no family, and I can't even find my way around my community without a GPS. We're going home.

Parenting won't be changing. Our boys are our boys.

Thing1 is just fine. He's grown and on his own. In his job, he's a manager over 3 cities, his job is stable- he's still got plans on working his way higher in the company. His personal life is stable, and his girl is good.

Thing2, there's no way in hell I'm going anywhere before I see my boy graduate. We've worked long and hard for this day. After he graduates, he has a job lined up making decent money and with the opportunity to work his way up to being a mechanic. He's wanted that for as long as I can remember. He's going to do great.

They both know I'm not really going anywhere. They are both mine and I will be here for them just as much as before I moved.

I have two neighboring towns I'm looking at. Hillsboro and Festus. Neither one is too far away. Hillsboro is my first choice since that's where my family is. Festus is maybe 10 minutes away. As far as schools go, I'm wary of both.

Walter is losing some great educational opportunities leaving this district- most notably South Tech- I hope that one of these schools can give him what he needs and/or comparable opportunities. He wasn't quite as concerned about moving after I asked him to give me a list of what he wants and as soon as I find out where we are going, I'll go talk to someone. After a full day, the only one he could remember was the math class, which I already knew had to be addressed.

Alex... man, I just don't know. Either place, Alex's school is determined. I thought it was a great school in Kindergarten, but now I'm wondering what they really have to offer. Transitioning out will be easier, better, more options. I've always known I would have to leave once Alex transitioned out of school, raising a special needs child is difficult but a special needs adult is a whole new world. When I need to choose, Alex is always my choice. So, I've known that I would need to go home eventually, but I thought I would see him graduate from the school he's in. Considering a new school is terrifying, especially considering information I didn't have when Alex was there the first time. This school will have to be watched. closely.

Goofy... Alex's current school would be perfect for him. Alex's new school is not even an option. That means we need to work even harder at making his IEP suitable for GenEd and if that doesn't work, self contained is the only appropriate option. That sucks. But, it is what it is. We'll figure it out.

I have to get a job. I already have one picked out and am looking at a backup. This is going to be different for Walter, but he's excited that he'll be getting paid for helping. I'll be working part time midnights so that I can be there in the evenings to help the boys through their routines and to put them to bed. Walter will be in charge while I'm gone and I'll be back before they have to get ready for school in the mornings. No matter where we go, help will not be more than 2 minutes away. Sleep is going to suck, especially school breaks and weekends, but we're used to that, aren't we? ;)

I'm not sure that I'll be able to be online much while we work on things so I ask you to be patient with me. I will be back to my usual nonstop chatter soon enough.

This is going to be good and I will have many great things to tell you. I have faith.

6 comments:

  1. I wish the best for you. I was a single mom for 7 years. As tough as it is to be a single mom, it's far worse being in a bad marriage. Good luck in your new life!

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  2. Hey there friend. You sound in a very calm place, so I know that this decision must have been the right one for you. Sending you a great big hug and tons of support.

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  3. Sending you much support, and a reminder that I have open inbox if you need to chat. <3

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  4. Man driven to suicide by ex wife and divorce courts


    Chris Mackney committed suicide on December 29, 2013 because his ex wife was using the divorce courts in America to torture him and kidnap his children from him. He wrote a 4 page suicide note before killing himself.

    http://www.brainsyntax.com/Portal/Material/1/Lasttestamentofalovingfatherabusedbythefamilycourtsystem.pdf


    LATEST UPDATE: The ex-wife is such a psychopath that is she trying to copyright her ex husband's suicide note, in order to prevent it from being circulated on the internet. She is using her lawyers to threaten legal action against websites that published Chris's suicide letter.

    The website "A Voice for Men" also got a letter from her lawyers and wrote an article about it yesterday:
    http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/family-courts/here-come-the-lawyers-to-avfm-yet-again/

    Here's a couple more updates:

    http://henrymakow.com/2014/04/Ex-Wife-Removes-Husbands-Suicide-Note-from-Internet.html

    http://www.crimesagainstfathers.com/usa/Forums/tabid/362/forumid/261/threadid/9799/scope/posts/Default.aspx

    http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140425/11184127030/ex-wife-allegedly-using-copyright-to-take-down-husbands-suicide-note-where-he-blames-their-custody-battle.shtml

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  5. Love to you and your family. You are a wise mama and I know you'll work it out. <3

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  6. You are one STRONG woman. Open for chats whenever if you need to vent.

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