Friday, December 6, 2013

Hoarding Comments

I got a lot of comments on yesterday's post that I need to ease up on myself. That I'm being too hard on myself. I appreciate the comments- really guys, what would I do without you?
I love comments. I hear them all, I read them all. I don't always respond- I don't know what to say, I don't want to sound stupid, or I'm just so damned tired and I will do it soon. But I hear them all, I read them all, and I love the majority of them.

But here's the thing with comments... there's a dark side. over and over and over you hear the same thing, you get the same judgments. There's almost always a bit of truth mixed in and sometimes you forget the other side of the story- your own side.

Actually showing up at a parent/teacher conference and daring to ask questions- "He's doing much better than he was last year." *pointed look*

Circles on daily reports where I didn't read to him for 10 minutes.

Circles when I forgot to sign.

"Did not turn in science homework."

"Did not turn in Math."

"To be here on time, she should leave earlier like any responsible parent would."

This year's evaluation quoting last year's evaluation, "Notably, on all instruments, Mac rated her son as being more disturbed than did his father, his teacher, or the teacher assistant." (none of whom provide care, might I add. See: "Goofy said he never gets angry with his dad.")

"Mac said Goofy cannot wash himself or his hair independently and, rather than supervising him, she bathes him." (That's not what I said.)

"Moms worry."

"Stop chasing diagnoses, it's a waste of time."

"You let your school aged child watch Friday the 13th? That's 18-rated for a reason."

"The fact that you apparently have the same problems with your other kids suggests you need to start acting like a real parent to them."

"He's a brat."

"He's spoiled."

"You always blame the ADHD."

"You just let him throw his cereal?"

"This place is a mess! What did you do all day!? Well, that was only 2 hours."

"Did you do any laundry today?"

"Did she have a bath yet?" was a bad night, I didn't get to it.

"Does she have socks?" ...I can't find the net-bag.

"They can't have cake for supper." It's FRIDAY! There are no rules on Friday.

"Who's the adult here?"

Library fines that I can't pay because I forgot how long we had the books.

Negative lunch accounts because I forgot I got a notice.

Second notices, third notices.

"Mom, you forgot to sign my folder."

"You forgot to sign my test. Well, where is it? I gave it to you."

It adds up, you know. All those comments. All those excuses. You try and try and it's never enough so you try harder and the harder you try the worse it gets, the more you mess up, the more comments you get until you're spiraling down into I suck at this. All those voices become the voice in your head. You start measuring everything you do by what those voices would say about it and nothing you do is ever good enough.

I know I'm not the only one hearing these comments. I've talked to a few people lately who are drowning in them. I think it's time we make some new voices and start recognizing when we do things right. Maybe I should make a list...

I did not smash my phone when it woke Alex up this morning with phone calls, texts, facebook updates, and tweets letting me know that there is no school because of the snow. (I need a lot of reminders for things ;) )

The Goofy Child, sprinting through the kitchen, stopped suddenly and turned around. He looked directly at me for a second, "I love you."

Walter just shoveled the porch and driveway (with a digging shovel) and cleaned off my car. He helped the Goofy One find his snow boots and put them on so that he could "help" him.

The girl came walking up, so proud of herself, showing me that she dressed herself. "Mawmaw! Me!" *gesturing at her outfit.*

Alex is sitting with his Cheerio's and teething ring, just looking at me. Calm. Content.

and I don't think there were any witnesses when I tripped over my feet pacing the front porch ;)

Yeah... I think I did something right.

It's all about your point of view...

"Take a look around and tell me that you don't see
Just a worthless pile of garbage and debris
Cause I see a kingdom - Shining bright
And if you try then you can see it too, yeah
You'll see the beauty, if you look at something right
It's all about your point of view
And life is all about your point of view"

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