Ok, the Goofy one brought home writing paper from his teacher, as promised. Now to figure out what to do with it.
I looked long and hard and googled lots before I came up with the perfect writing subject- Goofy's Halloween costume, and an awesome way to go about it (based on what I saw at school)- he will draw a picture and tell me a story, I will come up with a few sentences based on his answers and he will write them! This is going to be FUN! (picture a mother/son Norman Rockwell moment)
I search out my child, rescue the hamster, and sit the kid down beside me, dividing crayons between him and the girl.
What are you going to be for Halloween?
Yeah? (no, he's not.) Why are you going to be Jason?
Because he's cool.
What's so cool about him?
He's cool because he's a killer.
Um... ok... who does he kill?
Everyone in the whole city.
Oh... so he kills... why does he kill everyone? are they mean to him?
No, he just kills everyone.
Because he wants to?
And that's why he's cool?
ok... that's disturbing. Let's find something else.
What are you going to do for Halloween?
Go trick or treating.
Yeah? What will you see?
But... you will see other things, what else will you see?
I told you, candy.
Ok. how far are you going to walk?
Well, what will you do when you walk?
I will say "trick or treat" and I will tell jokes.
good enough. I write the sentences.
"What is that!? What does that even say!? I can't read it!!!!"
Apparently, much like some of our kids' food can't be touching on their plate or you get an epic meltdown, the Goofy Child's letters cannot be touching. If your t arm dares swoop down into the i body it means the entire page is CURSIVE!!!! and your Norman Rockwell writing practice turns into Mom dragging a screaming kid out from under the living room table and throwing him in time out until he decides he can speak to his mom with a little respect while the girl wears a look of disbelief and yells, "MAWM! MAWM!" pointing at the Goofy One as if she's never seen the shit hit the fan before- much less caused it herself on occasion.
and then, while you are preoccupied, your other son will start munching on crayons and THANK GOD it's a 3 day weekend so you don't have to explain to his teacher how you left him unsupervised with art supplies again.