Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Convincing Walter to join my cult.

Walter has decided to lock me out of his life. I am no longer allowed to know anything that does not happen at home. His life is ruined, it's all my fault, and he will never tell me another single thing. ever. Not that he actually said such a thing, he's just hiding from me and refusing to talk to me. and did say that he was not ever telling me anything else. I ask what I can know, what he is willing to tell me about, he says, "you can know what happens at home."

Don't worry, I have the perfect solution.


He's old enough to teach himself, right? What could I possibly need to do? Nothing.

Walter's all for it so I let him know we'll start Monday. Friday's the end of the grading period, ya know. I need to find out if he's grounded for all of eternity before chaining him up in the basement. This period's grades make all the difference in whether he gets home cooked microwaved meals or dog food.

He's still ok with it.

It'll be me 'n' him.

Just the two of us.

The Dynamic Duo.

The modern day Pinky and the Brain.

...who, by the way, Walter doesn't know!!! What is wrong with this world that I can't say, "What are we doing tonight, Brain?" and any child wouldn't know the answer!?

Where were we?

Oh, yeah.

The two of us forever.

He was all into it until he found out we were starting our own cult. with no outside communication. ever. because the people outside don't understand us. They seek to destroy our way of life (well, the life we will have...) calling it "wrong" and "evil" and "abuse." We can't let them interfere with our God-given right... no! NO! ...our DUTY! to live in a way that we believe in our hearts to be right and wholesome. They just don't understand us. They hate what they don't know. We don't need no stinkin' outside people. We will cut ourselves off from everyone. and it will just be us and I can know everything that goes on in his life because I will be there to experience it.

I'm laying there in his bed with him, petting his hair, whispering a description of our eternity of togetherness when he says, "mom.... you scare me." "That's alright, baby. I scare myself."

The good news is, we are not homeschooling. That means I don't need to Google how to install heavy duty chains into the concrete basement floor or find out which dog food would have all the nutritional value a growing boy needs, Walter will get to keep his electronics and his precious 8 hours per day with hundreds of other wild beasts, and he won't have to find out first hand why a trapped animal will gnaw their own foot off to escape.

Unfortunately, it looks like my dreams of being a cult leader will never be realized. *sigh*


  1. LOVE this!!!! I know too well the "look" when Liam tells ppl, "I don't go to school! My mama is my teacher!" Like we are a disease! I think it's funny. Love our little cult ;)

  2. You've still got time...and there are other little people you may be able to convince to go to the dark side ;-)