Saturday, September 14, 2013

A Special Visit...

I got the kick in the ass I needed to get my head on straight. Thursday night and Friday morning I was too deep in "that place" to actually process it but once I started getting ready, it gave me the push I needed to get out of there and move on.

Thursday night, while otherwise occupied, I got 3 messages. By the time I finished the conversation and kept it together long enough to get home before sitting in my car and crying my eyes out, I didn't bother to read them.

I wrote my post, I dried my tears, I checked my messages.

One of the messages was from an unnamed number. "hey, this is G." The fact that she gave me her name instead of her title tells you how far gone our relationship has been. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years.

She has some stuff for me and wants to come up Saturday afternoon. My brother talked to my husband and he said it was ok, she hoped it was ok with me... pfft, yeah!

It wasn't until I talked to my boys Friday, asking them to clean the yard and cut the grass that it really registered....

My mom is coming to visit.

*cue panic*

I cleaned the house.

....but then the neighbor's garage threw up all over my kitchen.

I sorted and put away and boxed up what was going where.

Saturday came and I'm looking at this mess all over the place and I'm all... OMG, MY MOM'S COMING! She can't see this! CLEAN!!! Everybody, get your butts in gear, Grandma's coming! THIS IS BIG! She must be impressed, she has to like us so she'll come back! MOVE IT!

They all acted like I'd lost my friggin' mind. as if I was not perfectly justified in my lunacy. It's not every day your mother comes visiting after a 5 year separation.

We took showers (yes, all of us.) and put pants on. (yes. all of us.) (real ones.) (like blue jeans.) so that we could at least look presentable and pretend that we (I) have our shit together and all shower on a regular basis instead of doing the sniff test, throwing on some extra deodorant and tossing the greasy rat's nest that we call our hair up into a pony tail or a big glob of a top knot depending on how bad it is just to pass as decent. (We're looking to make a good impression, man! Not shock her with the horrors that come with special needs parenting!)

...but then Alex took his pants off.

...and Goofy stripped down to shorts.

...and the girl pulled her hair down. She would have stripped if it hadn't been a onsie.

So, whatever, at least I'm dressed. I cleaned the house again.

...and then the toy box exploded.

By now, I decide just forget it! I don't even care, if this works out, she'll find out the truth anyway. I'll just make a fresh pot of coffee and she won't notice anything else. *decisive nod*

So, I ask my brother to let me know the precise moment I should start the coffee for it to be finished the split second she pulls in the driveway and practically stand there with my finger hovering over the button because this will totally ensure her deep admiration and everlasting affection. She will love me, damnit!!!

My brother texts that they are on their way, I press the power button and scream for everyone to man their stations! Walter- get your ass up here and greet your Grandma! Goofy! Watch the window so I don't look like I'm watching! Yell for me as soon as she pulls in! Alex, get over here and get your britches on, boy, Grandma don't need to see that! Girl, get. that. out. of. your. mouth. Goofy! Is she here yet!? What about now? Are you even watching?

She finally gets here and turns out, now that she's not working 3 jobs to support her children, she doesn't drink coffee the way she used to. Go figure. and, the mess didn't even matter because she made a bigger mess with the stuff she brought, lol.

and all of that freaking? not even necessary, she's been texting me all evening long.


  1. What a wonderful surprise visit!! I would panic also! My mom is wonder woman and me... well not so much!! Hope the visit went well. PEACE

  2. I was holding my breath thru the whole blog hoping it worked out for you! YAY So glad you had a nice visit!