Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Back to the normal chaos of our lives...

You know those days that have you cowering behind a locked door with a package of Oreo's?

... yeah.

I put in my 2 weeks notice but I think my husband rejected my resignation. he brought pizza home instead.

The day was horrendous.  Not the kids, for once. Adults. Passive aggressive sanctimommies that by the time I'm waiting on buses have me ready to shout from the rooftops that I KNOW I SUCK AT PARENTING, you don't need to list all the many, many ways you do it better and by the end of the day had me texting all caps and calling my husband to tell him- again- that I effing quit! Screw it! "Tag. you're it." and he dodged the tag. jerk.

anyway, after the day was the evening. We had to do homework a little early so that I could go to curriculum night. Word. Problems. Dear Teacher, I hate you. "Underline what you know. Circle what you need to find out." I swear to you, the pencil hadn't touched the paper before I was calling for help. I'm sorry, yes, it did. He had to show me his cool new "B". then he had to show his dad. and the answer to the question was the bubble coming out of the Bunny's mouth. and then the answer was the bunny. and then the answer was "hey, look at that bunny." and then we were all STOP WITH THE FREAKING BUNNY! and then then the answer to not getting the answer was, "why don't you just do it for him?" and the answer to the answer to not getting the answer was, *obscene gesture* and a note to the teacher.

and then came 10 minutes of reading. Not. Happening. One day last week, after the cat incident, we talked to the boy at the bus stop who always has a book in his hand. Granted, in 2nd grade he's carrying around Harry Potter and such and reading them again in 3rd- for. fun.- but the boy had to have started somewhere, right? So I asked him about Fly Guy for the Goofy Child's benefit. The boy at the bus stop, not seeing me looking at my Goofy One while I was asking was all, "oh yeah, I read those they were cool," and I ruthlessly cut him off before he could go on to say more than moving on to Harry Potter because I was terrified anything more would turn the Goofy One off of Fly Guy.  and it worked. until last night when we had to make an emergency trip to the library for Bad Kitty.

We got home just in time for me to grab Walter and head to curriculum night where I heard magical words full of wonderful possibility... "Listen to Reading: Just hearing fluent and expressive reading of good literature expands your vocabulary; helps build your stamina and will make you a better reader." *gasp* Be still, my heart! ...I can read to him!? He doesn't have to help me!? PRAISE THE LORD!!!! and then I got a text message that had my face in my hands while I breathed slowly, counting to calm and Walter leans over, "are you ready?" Yes. Let's get out of here.

Then this morning... I overslept, Walter wanted to skip school, Alex lost his halo, Goofy refused to get in the tub then refused to get out of the tub, and then...

We ran out of Ranch.

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