Thursday, July 11, 2013

Praying for school to start

Alright, now, listen. I've been neglecting you all and I'm sorry. Let me explain...

Monday was Walter's birthday, remember?

13 years ago today...

Lord, he was a sweet baby. Whatever. Those days are gone and now we're in the teens.

and we had a

Tuesday, I sent the Goofy One to his room to calm down, to keep his hands to himself, to use nice words... you name it. The boy spent so freakin much time in there... well, to get back at me, or to have fun, Lord knows what goes through that child's head, he pushed the baby out a window (no worries, it's like 18 inches from the floor and I'm sure he helped more than pushed) onto the front porch and then screamed and screamed that she got out there all by herself and someone needed to save her. They painted my entire kitchen- and each other- in cupcake icing, and to clean up? flooded my bathroom by putting huge stuffed animals in the bath tub and then throwing them at each other. There were tons of little things and nonstop fighting and 20,000 questions on why I carry my MP3 player in my bra- well, you should wear pockets, and why do I say libRARy, when the teachers say libARy- and I made a stupid comment that I hope never gets repeated to teachers. ...and hitting, oh, Lord, the hitting. When I tried to quit and suggested summoning a demon to take care of their own damned kids, my husband says, well, you need to watch them. I say, uh, I thought you wanted laundry done? and remember Monday when you were losing your flipping mind and swore you didn't know how I did it? Remember how well watching them works? end of discussion.
I think this is the point you either laugh or cry.
So, Wednesday we went to story time. Leaving the house was a big thing. It was raining and I don't like to drive in the rain but I knew, just knew, I had to get these kids out of the house. Story time starts at 10am, we got the car on the road at 9:50 and I was actually praying we would miss it. I started up the road and ended up blocked by lots and lots of flashing lights. Did I take the excuse to go home? No. I used the side streets to go around and made it just in time. The actual story time wasn't bad at all. It was when we went to check out books that craziness happened. I ended up with Alex parked farther away than usual so the Goofy Child could sit close. "Why would you even do that? I knew I should have stayed home. I hate when you act like that." I know exactly where these words and this attitude is coming from and it annoys the hell out of me but I ignore it. "Well, if you weren't doing flips onto the bean bag chairs, you wouldn't have to sit beside me while I find books." *beat of silence* "how did you even know?" *do not laugh. do not laugh.* "I'm your mother. I know."  We get the books and walk up to the check out. I'm bent over putting books into the backpack, looking at Goofy and the Little D, telling them that they cannot pull the papers off of the front of the counter, Walter letting me know that a lady doesn't talk the way I did in public (who doesn't let out a "what the hell?" every once in a while? at least I didn't say what I wanted to. I should get points for that), when Alex reached up to get my attention and pulled my new, very girly thong out for the entire library to admire. I straightened up, looked over my shoulder, my wide eyes met Walter's wide eyes, and we worked in silence... he grabbed Alex's wrist, I opened his fingers and Walter moved Alex back a bit while I rearranged my clothing to make sure all unmentionables were sufficiently covered. They all had me so frazzled, I left my library card on the counter. By the time I realized it, there was no way I was going back to get it. I called, they put it up for me. I'll get it next week.

The good news? There's only about 4 weeks left until school starts. Everything will be back to normal, hopefully the Goofy One will be medicated, and I will have HOURS to spend with you :) I will read blogs and respond to comments and be active on my page and actually see what my friends are up to. 4 weeks. ...why does that feel like an eternity?


  1. HAHAHAHA I truly am sorry ...once again for laughing but if you didn't want me to laugh you shouldn't be SO funny! LOVE the thong part...I HAVE missed you

  2. I know it's terrible to laugh at the misfortunes of others, but I can't stop! lol Sorry! Have you broken it down to "Hours to Go" yet? Hang in there!

  3. I love those - "how did you know?"..."I'm your mother. I know" moments...and kudos to you for wearing a thong! I can't stand those damned things.