Saturday, June 29, 2013

"Why don't you just..."

Just watch your kids.

Just teach them.

Just whatever.

My initial reaction to reading these words is anger followed closely by smirking at your stupidity. Huh. just watch them... why didn't I think of that!? You're brilliant! I shall start watching them right now! Maybe they just need a spanking. That should teach them. everybody who "knows" says so.

The thing is, it's not that simple. Not watching them, etc... although, that, too... but my reaction. There's this whole autism is autism movement going where all autism is the same and we should not separate out kids by titles such as high functioning/low functioning or mild/moderate/severe autism because.... it's all the same. No. No, it's not. Not saying one is easier than the other because it's not. it's just different.

The problems we have and the way we need to address them are as varied as the spectrum we live with. When it comes to autism, there is no "just..." unless it's "if you don't have anything constructive to add, just shut up." ...on both sides.

Everyone in this community is walking a different path. They may intersect in certain areas, but no two are ever the same. Each person is coming from a different place and having different experiences with varying degrees of difficulty along the way.

Don't assume you know best, that your way is the only way, that you know what someone else is walking because you are walking, too.

Don't assume that just because your kid is high functioning or low functioning that the person you're talking to is, too. and don't assume they're not. You'd be surprised.

Don't assume that because the advice you get doesn't fit your kid, that the person doesn't know what they are talking about or that there isn't someone silently listening who needed exactly that. Their advice comes from their experience, not stupidity.

Don't assume that all parents watch their kids or attempt to teach their kids because, seriously? Pushing a baby out of your vagina doesn't make you a good mom. Not all parents are good ones, not even autism parents (how's that for "special kids for special parents"?) There are parents who don't think to try the basics or to address behavior. There are parents who need to be reminded that "special" does not mean "incapable." I know. because I'm one of them.

Judging someone based on either the question or answer isn't going to do anything but cause drama. I don't know about you but I have enough drama in my life without being pulled into the who has it harder or who doesn't have a clue horse crap. My unsolicited advice... read it and if it doesn't apply to you, move on without commenting. You can't fix stupid, you can't educate willful ignorance, and the rest just isn't worth the headache because it probably doesn't apply to you, anyway.


  1. Yes! So true! Sometimes when I read something that does apply to me, I just move on anyway. I have enough on my plate.

  2. I couldn't have said it better. I get the "but if it worked for this child why isn't it working for that child?" - the spectrum is alive and varied in my house so I hate those comments - they're not the same, they're different and just leave me alone to handle my kids! I don't tell you how to handle yours now do I?