Sunday, June 23, 2013

That talk about Alex's Daddy...

Alright. I think it's time to have that talk I told you we would be having about Alex's Daddy back when we did his IEP. I told you....

Some interesting things came up at this conference such as Daddy's sudden desire to take his son out of my house on a regular basis... which is totally going to happen when he pries the kid out of my cold, dead hands and is an entirely separate blog post...

and here is that separate blog post. Not for the purpose of Daddy bashing (although every once in a while I do get in that mood and as much as the man is pissing me off, we might very well be headed in that direction) but because I don't know what to do and I need to talk it out.

Now, the problem is going to sound stupid, I know. but... Alex needs his nails clipped.

Alex's Daddy clips his nails. I text, he comes, nails get clipped. That's his only job. and child support. but that's his own fault for dragging me into court three. times. A woman can only take so much, ya know? at some point she just snaps. and $347/month seemed like a better alternative to ending up on Snapped. (Yes, I'm still sore about it. I hold grudges. it's my superpower.)

so, anyway, Alex's Daddy hasn't taken him for consecutive visits (hit and miss) since I got full custody 6 years ago, never took the full allotted amount of time (every other weekend during school, every other week in the summer) because he pays child support, he shouldn't have to take him for that much time. Fine, whatever. his loss.

Then about 4 and 1/2 years ago, he stopped taking him for full weekends and could only take him one night. Ok. Fine.

About 3 1/2 years ago, he decided he couldn't do overnights anymore and would only take him for a few hours on Sunday. *sigh*

Not long after that it was only special days. *this is getting old*

Then... full stop. *alright, then.*

Recently, he started coming here to see him. *I'm cool with that*

In April, he decides he wants to start taking him again. *the hell you say!*

Then... he and Alex's Mommy break up and... poof! The man is gone. A few weeks ago (month?), I text him. I said, I have something for you (pictures) and Alex needs his nails clipped. Silence. a week later... Alex needs his nails clipped. He's trying to kill me. Silence. *curses*

Alex's Mommy brought the Sister for the Goofy one's birthday party. We were sitting there on the front porch when Daddy called. He's pretty ticked off because he told Mommy he wanted Sister for a while that evening and she wasn't home. Mommy explained that it was Goofy's birthday and if Daddy wanted to come and get her, he could, and added that he could clip Alex's nails while he's here. He refused. and this is the part that has me tripped up... he refused because he wasn't going to come to my house and get Sister when he doesn't take Alex. It's not fair to me. She told him all I wanted was Alex's nails clipped, he stuck to his guns. He's not taking one without the other... as long as I know he's taking the one, I guess.

and here's the funny part... I don't give a crap if he comes to my house or goes to her house or goes wherever to get the Sister, I don't care how often he takes her or how long he keeps her, I just want Alex's nails clipped. that's it. and his guilt? Totally unnecessary. Court order or not, there's no way in hell I am going to hand my kid over to someone who does not know him, does not have a secure place to take him, and has no freaking clue what he's doing with him. Alex stays with me in his home where he's safe- any means necessary. I don't care.

so here are my choices....

  1. try to pin him down and let him know point blank that it will be a cold day in hell before he leaves this driveway with my kid, that I don't trust him with his son, and I would not ever put Alex in that position so he can man up and come clip his kid's nails.
  2. let it go and find someone else to clip Alex's nails (would a school nurse do that?)
  3. suck it up and try to do it myself.... hopefully without taking a finger off. (no, sleeping is not an option. he knows when I walk in his room.)
  4. let him rock his Edward Scissor Hands hands.

any thoughts? I'm still stuck. I think I like the school nurse idea. maybe apply for home health care or something, I bet they clip nails.


  1. Nail clipping scares the crap out of me. I won't even do the cats nails! James's dad does it during or after the bath. I hope you are able to get someone to do it. I think the nurse with the help of the classroom aides might work. They are as invested as you are not to have kids in the classroom rocking weapons of mass destruction as you are. PEACE

  2. Have you thought of bribery? You can't beat them at their own game, so maybe you can bribe him? I have had to resort to this in my 23 years of parenting to minimize the trauma of things like potty training and nail clipping myself (My mom actually started the bribery when my first would not potty train for me). One M&M or skittle for each trip to the potty or for each nail clipped has worked to win the battle with my sometimes opinionated and sometimes difficult children. The candy is also a distraction while you are clipping the next nail, especially skittles because they are chewy and take longer to consume.

  3. I do the nail clipping in the bath tub and sometimes, I have to wrestle with them but I get it done - I try to do all 6 at the same time because their father won't do it. I can't imagine what you are going through. I can't imagine what an arse his father is! I'm the non-custodial parent and I fight tooth and nail to be with my kids, how can a father not do that?!? I know I made my mistakes but come on! There's no excuse!! Alex is better with you - and you can trim his nails, I believe in you.