With summer being here, my alone time is gone. I'm never alone anymore, never without Alex. This means if I want to do what I want to do, if I want to make sure my needs are met, I need to find a new way to do it. I've been trying to live my life with Alex instead of around him.
My life, as a woman.
We've worked on our life as a family. We've been taking him new places, trying new things, and including him in our shenanigans for quite some time now with what I think is major success. My fear of losing him, my fear of him getting hurt... my fear is not ruling our life anymore. We've worked on rivers and Alex is comfortable walking in to his knees and sitting down. I even got him in to his chest once. This year we are trying the pool again. Next weekend.
I figured with the progress we've made with family activities, the progress Alex has made over the years, it was time to start working on me. what I want, what I need. To balance our needs. To make sure we both get the things we need.
I get computer time easily. Being blessed (in some ways) with ADHD, I can easily divide my attention between kids/computer/housework and (mostly) do ok with all of it. So, I thought I could try a book. Not during a sensory break, not nap time, not after he was in bed... just sit in a chair where I could see the front door, let the kid play and just read. It worked. It was great. He did what he wanted to do, I did what I wanted to do... everyone survived. (serious. survival was the goal.)
Now, I can work on the computer, I can read a book, and (with forfeiting all privacy and any sense of modesty I may have started out with,) I cut the time I need a babysitter to shower down to less than 10 minutes so I can work it with his sensory breaks and ask the Goofy one to watch the door (I know. you got a better idea?). If I can do all of that... there's no reason I can't walk!!!
We have a treadmill so I can walk whenever I get the chance- day or night, rain or shine, 10 minutes, 30 minutes... whatever I can get. ...and I thought to myself, this is brilliant! absolutely fantastic! The best idea I've had yet!
The treadmill is in the living room.
There is a gate on the living room.
There is a TV in the living room.
Dora is on.
I lured him into the living room with the sounds of Dora. I locked the gate behind him. I watched him stim his dance... The stars aligned, the angels sang, and I knew... This was going to be EPIC!
Except... I get lost in the music, the movement, everything else disappears. like it did this time. until Alex tackled me. and we fell. by the time the treadmill stopped....
Yeah. Epic Fail. Poor little guy. :(
That won't be happening again. I think maybe I should use a little more common sense in my big dreams.
There will be a day (quite soon, the way time flies) that it will be just me and Alex. All day, every day. Then what?