Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The reason I didn't get anything done today...

It's Wednesday. Wednesday is story time. There was some sort of conspiracy this morning designed for me to say- "Forget it! It's not worth it!" Instead, I said, "Oh, you guys can't get along? Maybe that's because you need to spend MORE time together." Brilliant, right? Yeah....I swear they pushed me over the edge of insanity. It was pure desperation that made me scream those words.

The Goofy child has new shoes. The Goofy child lost his new shoes and cannot find them. He needs "help" and by help, he means I need to find them. I'm looking for the stupid shoe in the basement and I'm not happy about it just based on the fact that it's the basement, while he is supposed to be looking in his room, and by "looking," I mean staying out of trouble. I come up the stairs, shoe in hand, and hear screaming. and crying. and "MOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" ...fist fighting. Damned heathens can't even keep their hands to themselves for 5 minutes!? Fine. time out.

The goal was to confine them each to a chair each just long enough for me to load the car so we could get out of the house. I know their biggest problem is being cooped up and they just need out. So, that's what I'm trying to do. I walk back in from checking car seats and rolling down windows to see the Little D looking shell shocked and the Goofy one looking at me with a huge smile while he hid his hands behind his back. It took me a minute to see exactly what he did....

Dear Teacher, I rest my case. No child should ever learn how to use a pair of scissors until they are at least in High School and care what they look like. I don't even care. We're going.

Then we fought over soda. at 9am. Dear Brother, I rest my case. Sugar is banned from my house until the end of time.

Then while I am putting backpacks, stroller, and shoes in the car, Walter starts screaming that he is so not going because the Goofy one did something or another. and that's when it happened... "Oh, you guys can't get along? Maybe that's because you need to spend MORE time together. You are SO going! Keep pushing and you'll be holding hands!"

Then, while backing out of the driveway... I ran over my own damned trash can.

By this time, I probably should have given in, parked the car, and let them play video games until their eyes bled but I never claimed to be bright. just determined.

We get to the library and The Little D and the Goofy one are horsing around in the driver's seat. I'm yelling at them to get out because the way the day is going, I can just see where 2 boys in the driver's seat will end up, while unknotting Alex's shoes. I get one shoe on and the knot out of shoe #2... I reach for his foot and find 2 shoeless feet. Forget it! We don't need shoes! We're GOING!

Story time was pretty uneventful. Walter, Goofy and the Little d refused to get up front and participate. They sat in their big person seats and scowled at the story teller but Alex was caught up in the stories so I call that a success.

We get Alex his sticker and turn around to find we lost the other kids. They were eventually found, not that I was actively looking for them. The turtles and hamster would thank me... And, Alex made a new book finding system for me... Whatever he knocks off the shelf goes in my cart. I don't even know what I checked out.

This is where you find the real brilliance in my plan for the day.

This is the Summer Reading Club.

For every 15 minutes of reading, they get to color in an oval. after 16 ovals, they get to pick a prize. The Goofy Child is now motivated. (This evening, he wanted to read a book so he could fill in a circle. Yeah! HE WANTED. Until he got 1/2 way through the book and decided it wasn't worth a prize. So, we're taking a break and we'll finish the book and he'll color his oval. I think when he actually gets a prize, he'll be more willing to work for the next one. I just hope it doesn't take all summer to get through page 1 of the oval coloring.)

Then the hamster escaped. alone. with no help. opened his own cage and everything. he was found safe. The turtles escaped. alone. with no help. got out of their box all by themselves. no one forgot to watch them or anything. they just took off. They were found safe. Then the hamster learned to fly. and he didn't like it.

When my sister in law showed up to take the 2 little ones out for the afternoon, I wished her luck and shoved their asses in the car before she could change her mind.

The rest of the afternoon was spent catching thrown objects, redressing and redressing and redressing Alex and asking Alex if he was ready for a nap. Never happened. Thank God for an 8pm bed time and Melatonin, mama needs a beer.


  1. You poor woman. You need help. I had three boys, but I would not survive this lifestyle. You are truly amazing. Where I live, autistic parents get respite care. There are programs after school for children to receive assistance. Anything like that for you? I am impressed at your patience. I would have run screaming from the house, never to be seen again.

  2. And this is just the BEGINNING of the summer! The beer guy's gonna know you by name soon if he doesn't already. Our beer guy knows us and our kids are grown (sort of). I lost all sanity a LONG time ago and my life wasn't anywhere near as hectic as yours is! :)

  3. You might have a clue there where the "stubborn" in those kids might have come from...just sayin'. ;)

  4. Dear Mama, P.E.T.A. will be at your house
    Please let the turtles & hamster escape IDK...maybe hitch a ride to the park....lmbo!!!I hear good things about sea monkeys or guppies. Keep fighting the good fight.. only what....3 mos. 'til school? Until then, keep all sharp objects out of reach....not that they wont find them anyway...unlike the shoes lol as for the trashcan, I'm sure we can find a way to figure out how that was not your fault....

  5. One time when I left Declyn alone for five minutes he shaved off his eyebrows. And because I don't wear makeup we didn't have anything in the house to draw some on other than a sharpie.

    He went to school anyway and played it off like a champ! I think he came up with some crazy story about getting a role in an independent film in which his character was eyebrowless...

    Gotta love having a crazy family! Otherwise we'd have to read books or watch movies for such shenanigans!! Wait... why is living it better than reading about it or watching movies? I don't remember.....
    tee hee!
    Love you Mama!!!!