Remember my status update yesterday where I told you we were going on a surprise trip to get the Little D? Well, here's the story, my brother works for the city he lives in which means when bad weather comes in, he's in charge of keeping the roads safe so he couldn't leave, not for a 6 hour round trip to get his boy. So, we went :) and it was great! ...kinda. There was a time or two I was tempted to set the Goofy one out to hitch hike his way home, but we'll get there.
We packed up the car and you all know what that's like when you're travelling with autism. and small children. small children are a PITA, anyway. A little while back, we traded my car in for a van. It gives us a little more seating, cheaper maintenance, better gas mileage, and a DVD player. Now, at the time, that DVD player sounded like a great idea. but, we'll get to that, too. anyway, new-to-us van. That means everything I had stashed is no longer stashed so everything has to be re-packed. Diapers, wipes, toys, Apple Jacks, DVDs, and so on. We get packed, we head out.
But we can't ever just leave. There has to be 20 stops before we even get on the highway. By the time we get on the highway, we had added Peanut Butter M&Ms to our collection of snacks for the road. and this is where the Goofy one inspires the status update warning that we may be one kid short on the return trip. I hand Alex a Peanut Butter M&M. The Goofy one tells me I should not do that because Alex isn't allowed to have chocolate. We argue over the fact that he's MY kid and I freaking know what I'm doing and even if I wanted to give him chocolate, I'm the one changing his diaper, anyway, smartass! while Big D laughs at the "fact" that I don't know how to take care of Alex and need a 6 year old to tell me. Then the Goofy one smirks at me with his know-it-all smugness and shows my the chocolate shell coating the Peanut Butter inside. whatever, dude. shush it. He's fine.
Then the Goofy one continues his constant criticism of my parenting by questioning whether or not Alex actually needs his pants on a 6 hour trip inside a heated car (no, he doesn't. he's fine. he can take them off if he wants to take them off.), the contents of his diaper and will he or will he not get a rash if I do not climb into the back seat right this minute and change his wet diaper while flying down the highway at 70 miles per hour...? NO! He's fine!!!
And then!!!! My parenting isn't the only thing up for condemnation. He also wants to censor my use of language. But let me tell you something, that DVD player? is in the absolute worst spot for someone who does have to climb in the back seat. multiple times. (whoever taught Alex to put his seat belt behind him, making me have to climb back...big trouble, man. biiiig trouble) because every time you climb back, you hit your head right on the corner. as for the language, flip that mother lovin' piece of shut, man! You're watching Shrek, for the love of Pete! and what does Shrek say? "Better out than in, I always say." and I can say for sure that he says that because I heard him. over. and over. and over! 3 flippin' times! Just in THIS trip!
Once we secured the hostage and called my brother to open negotiations, (he agreed to meet my demands and come see me) The Little D distracted the Goofy One and left me to enjoy the trip home so I decided to keep him for a while longer.