Friday, March 15, 2013

Optometrist appointments and etc...

I knew going into this that of all of the weeks this month, this week would be the hardest. The most demanding.

Tuesday, we took Alex to get his eyes checked and he does need glasses.

If this is 20/20

This is where he is.

Not exactly stellar parenting on the part of the woman who knew her son "should" wear glasses but blew it off because of one doctor who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground instead of telling him so and asking for a second opinion but, whatever. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts... He's getting his glasses and that's all I can do about it.

Thursday, I took Goofy in. I must say that the doctor was careful not to use the words "normal" or "all kids do that." He told me I was doing the right thing by bringing him to him first. "First" as in "last option" but whatever, close enough. That's about where the good news stops. Whatever is going on with this child, it's not his vision.

By the time we leave there, I'm just numb. I don't know what to think. Or, I do know what to think but I don't want to. The only question there is to ask, "Now what?", has only one answer and I don't even want to consider it so I just don't want to think about it at all. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone. I'm supposed to be going to the support group but I just don't want to. I really don't want to. but.... isn't that when you really need to go? I think maybe I can listen to their problems and ignore my own for just a few more hours. If I'm quiet, it's not all that unusual. I like quiet. So, I think I'm going to go.

I get my coffee, grab my keys and blast my music, I head for the school and keep on driving instead of turning into the parking lot. Eventually, I turn around because I know I really should go. I sit in the parking lot and look at the room with the lights on and I just can't get out of the car. I sit and look and tell myself I should go in. Soon, I will go in soon. I just want to sit here for a few more minutes. I sit in front of the school lost in my numbness, looking at those lights and... I just can't. Not tonight. Tonight, I just want to be alone. I drive around a little more before heading home, listening to the music, ignoring my vibrating phone because whatever Mommy wants, it can wait for tomorrow.  

This morning, I got up knowing I couldn't put it off any longer. I know the answer to "Now what?" is "Nothing." but I am not ready for that. I have one more person I can ask for help. I pack up Alex and Goofy and head for Goofy's school. His counselor says she has time to talk to me but the nurse is looking for me. I go to sign him in and the secretary lets me know the nurse is looking for me. I know she is. I was supposed to come back after Goofy's appointment yesterday but the appointment ran longer than expected.

Tuesday night Alex's Mommy and Sister stayed the night, Wednesday morning I had a lot going on and I haven't been sleeping well, partially because Goofy isn't sleeping period. I gave Goofy his pill and could have swore he put it in his mouth. When Mommy drew my attention to the pill on the stove, I was freaked out that I almost gave him two pills and put it back... only for him to have a horrible day at school and a note home about his behavior. Thursday morning I forgot to give it to him at all and had to take it to him at school after I took Alex to school and talked to his nurse. The nurse wondered if it might be a good idea for her to give Goofy his pill at school. I'm concerned about the time it takes for the pill to start working and she points out how it doesn't work if I forget to give it to him and how long it takes to kick in when I bring it in late. Ouch. Ok. We're going to try it for a week. I'll probably just get a pill box like Walter's so I can keep track. Today, I gave her the report from the optometrist and told her that his problem wasn't vision. "So, it's behavior?" his inability to read behavioral? Funny, because even though I had the same question, it sounds ridiculous coming out of her mouth. So, I guess that answers my question. No, his inability to read is not behavioral but it's not his vision, not his eyes.

The counselor wants me to talk to his teacher. I totally plan on talking to his teacher. We have a conference sometime during the 3rd week of March. Right now, I just want to know what can be done. Not being able to read simple sight words by the end of the kindergarten year is not normal development, it's not something all kids do. Somehow it went from there to dyslexia and dyslexia not being covered by the IEP. This does not sound right to me so I tell her that dyslexia is covered under "specific learning disability." Not in Missouri, she says. and it hits me right in that second, Oh, shit. This is what I have to look forward to. an advocate is not optional. If I want anything done, I will have to have one. Closely followed by wait. WTH? How did we even get on IEPs? I'm not here about an IEP. an IEP isn't anywhere near where I'm heading right now. The principal knows I will be knocking on her door for that the first report card of next year. Right now, I'm here because my son can't read and I don't know what to do.

She tells me to talk to his teacher. She says she will go with me. and then, finally, she offers an option. Sometimes they have older kids come down and help the younger kids who need extra help with reading and writing. It's something. Something is better than nothing. But first, we need to talk to his teacher. as soon as I find out when the conference is.


  1. No advice, nothing to add, I just wanted you to know you're one of my favorite blogs are strong.

  2. And we all thought February was hard! I am sorry that things haven't turned around for you. I am glad you took some time just to think by yourself and pull your thoughts together. PEACE