Wednesday, March 6, 2013

How's this for irony?

The other night, Sister had an awesome birthday party. Everyone was on their best behavior and they all had a blast. About an hour after they left, the evidence of a virus raged through the house.

The next morning, I'm dead on my feet, cleaning and disinfecting the house, being so very thankful they are home sick because it's snowing heavy. I was sure with it snowing heavy, Alex's Mommy would be rescheduling Sister's eye doctor appointment because she doesn't take chances on road conditions even in the rain, so I ignored all of that and focused on deep cleaning and disinfecting. An hour before Sister's appointment, Alex's Mommy calls  to see if I'm on my way yet. She slept through the crazy snow and now the roads are clear. I look down at the pajamas I've been wearing for 2 days, look up at the ceiling... of course.

I change my clothes, talk to Thing2, get my coffee, grab my purse and go to get the keys. No keys. anywhere. not where they belong, not where they don't belong. I never lose my keys because I always lost my keys so I made habits. but, this day of all days... gone. I call my husband who tells me *I* was the last one to have the effing things which makes this perfect because it's hard telling where they could be. I searched. and searched. and I mean SEARCHED. Remember the can opener? This was a more urgent search which means it was done in more detail with more desperation. Gone. F*ck! and my husband calls to see if I found them yet. NO!

He says if I don't find them, I have no car until he can afford to replace it. and I am a freaking mess over this because IT'S MARCH!!! I can't not have a car! Not this month! I need to go places and do things! Important things that can't be rescheduled! Vital things that I can't miss! Things that I have been working so freaking hard to prepare for that it will take a national disaster to keep me from getting there. I can't not have a car!

So, I call Mommy. who says she can come and get me today. No problem. So, while she's on her way, I continue the search with even more fervor than before. by the time she got here, I'd gotten one more phone call from my husband wondering if I found the flipping keys and found that I'd also lost my coffee and my cigarettes. Just gone. I recruit helpers on the key search and leave them with threats of bodily harm should any annoying of anyone by anyone happen while I'm out of the house. I look at my phone to check my 61 unread messages, rethinking my desire to know what's going on with my friends when I can't get to my personal profile, while she's doing the driving and see that my phone has no battery bars. none. I never let that happen! GAH!!!!

and I forgot to tell Thing2 I left. I never do that, either! This is horrible! I text him about the leaving and the dying phone and give him Mommy's number. I told him- direct quote- "my phone is dying, call *mommy if you need anything." he said- direct quote- "ok" and yet ... an hour later, I have a missed call.

We get home and since the boys were the best sleep aide Mommy has found yet and Sister has already been exposed to the germs, they stay. Which is cool with me but... IT'S MARCH!!! I can't afford to mess a single thing up this month so I leave her to entertain herself and resume the desperate search for car keys- and thank God my charging phone was on silent because I missed my husband's call. I was on my hands and knees, on top of furniture, inside furniture, moving furniture, emptying baskets and drawers and searching places one ought never need to search and I cannot find the frocking keys! No kids have seen them. ever. in their entire lives. they do not know what these "keys" are that I am looking for. except for the Little Dementor who asks for a detailed description and vows to look everywhere for them. Bless that child.

I'm freaking out, like a full on panic. I don't know where else to look! I looked here and there and everywhere, up and down and all around and the things have vanished! So, I get up on top of the refrigerator, the one place it should never be, prepared to pull every single thing down until it's bare. and guess what was all the way at the back under my husband's tie? The KEY!!!! Woo! Praise the LORD! and thank Jesus my husband would be the only one to put it there after he swore I lost it!

Now, I'm free to focus on March. I called the eye doctor hoping to get an appointment for Alex in April or May or (Please, God?) August... anything but March. She wants to know why I am calling them for an appointment, they don't just do an eye exam, insurance doesn't cover it. I don't know what she's talking about- needing a diagnosis. What diagnosis? He's seen Dr. C before. It's the same office, just a different person. She wonders if Dr. C gave him a diagnosis. I don't know, but he gave him glasses. I kid you not, it took an entire confusing as hell conversation where neither one of us knew what was going on for me to figure out she needed the AUTISM diagnosis! ah, in that case, bring him in Tuesday. *my head hits the table* ok. I can do that.

and still Mommy and Sister stay. and, it's cool with me but... IT'S MARCH. I don't have a second to waste. I have to be ready, I have to do things. and as much as I would love to sit and chat, I can't. So, I get the school bag out and organize the things I could need to discuss with Goofy's optometrist- Dr. C. I ask my husband to help me with the list of questions for Goofy's parent/teacher conference. He "don't do that", he'd rather just "play it by ear." I need lists or I won't know what to ask. There's a *cough* discussion. and in the process, although Mommy seems sufficiently entertained, I make her feel bad because she doesn't have Sister's stuff like that. The only reason I keep Goofy's is to use to get him help. With Alex, I have his IEPs, BIPs, progress reports, diagnostic reports... but not his work. So, I feel bad for making her feel bad but I can't help it! It's not like I want to have to document every move the child makes, it's not optional for me.

The Goofy Child was so sick all day long that he did not leave the couch. He slept a good chunk of the day. Alex was feeling so bad, he lazed around in his room for most of it. But by the time bed time came around, both boys were back at 100%, not tired in the least little bit, and bouncing off the freaking walls.

Then, this morning... I wake up at 7:30 and glance up to see Walter come out of the bathroom. Cool. He's up. I hit the snooze. again. and again. Next thing I know, Walter missed his bus. after the 6 missing assignments in one class, now he'll have more from all classes because I can either put up with him all day OR load up the 3 barely un-sick kids and drag them out into the cold. No question. I call school.

I feel bad that I had made plans to go to Alex's school's Talent Show before checking my calendar to make sure my day was clear just to end up having a more important obligation at the same time so I e-mail Alex's teacher explaining and asking for another chance. The second chance... feild trip on March 28. The other boys' spring break. The day before Alex's IEP meeting.

and today, the day that I am falling asleep at my keyboard and allowing kids to run wild since I have no energy to yell at them for acting like hooligans from my recent inability to sleep well... NightFood's guest post on a night time snack bar that facilitates a good night's sleep was scheduled to be posted.

♫ Isn't it ironic... ♫

Ah, I love my life.


  1. Bad luck is supposed to come in threes - I think you are over your quota. Hope March passes quickly, but not so quickly you can't get it all done.

    1. 7 days down. so far, it hasn't been too bad ;)

  2. I'm glad you found your keys! And doesn't it always seem to happen when you're in a hurry or running late!?!

  3. Mama needs a break!! At some point there must be a break in the insanity to get a chance to breathe. Sorry things have been so crazy but it sounds like you have a handle on it or at least you know where the handle is!! PEACE