Saturday, March 9, 2013

Can't you just let it go?

Walter was missing 6 assignments... Tuesday, was it? I told him that he was grounded- no phone and no leaving the house without me until all assignments are turned in with acceptable effort put forth. I will know this is done when his teacher e-mails me that it is so. I do not play around with "no", "mine", "don't touch that" and so on because when I say something, I mean exactly what I say and I do not negotiate with little terrorists. When I say something, I don't allow pestering to change my mind. I don't give in. You keep asking, you are more likely to get extra time or whatever for it than to get your way. I don't "just let it go."

Yesterday, he walked in and asked me if I got the e-mail yet. A glance through and no. He says maybe it's farther down. No, I check my e-mail several times a day. I know what's there, what's not, and where the new ones would be. He says he needs to go to his friend's house to work on a project for school. These two friends are counting on him, he doesn't have the paper for the assignment, the third friend does because, of the three, the third friend is the most responsible. I suggested he call his friend and ask them to come here. They can sit at the table and do their assignment.

"Well, what if I get this last assignment done and take it to the teacher to grade when Dad gets home? Then can I go?" You mean the assignment you just swore was finished and turned in? "Well, it's the last one." If I get an e-mail today, yes. That didn't work out so he's still grounded. No phone, no leaving without me. and I sure as hell ain't going anywhere. Well, he did the assignment, can't I just let him be ungrounded because it's done? No, I can't just let you be ungrounded because those were not the terms.

Alex's Mommy wants him to go to Sister's birthday party this weekend. Can't I just let him go for this special occasion? No, I can't just let him go. He made his decision. I told him what I expected, he chose to not follow through. So, no. I can't just let him go.

Walter had planned on having two friends over today. I told him to call his other friend and invite him too since he's stuck in the house and hasn't seen this friend in a week. The friend is playing basketball at some game and the friend's mom wants Walter to come see it, she thinks he will enjoy it very much because he knows quite a few of the players. Can't I just let him come and ground him an extra day? I almost, almost gave in. but no, I can't just let him go.

This thing with Walter is not my point in this post, it's just an example that is comparable to a more serious, more adult issue that has come up repeatedly, most recently yesterday. I have standards. I have expectations. At times, they may be too high and I understand that but I am not capable of backing down. If you make dumbass decisions, I'm going to think you're a dumbass. If you make dumbass decisions that effect me, I'm going to let you know you're a dumbass. If you make dumbass decisions that involve my children, I'm not going to let that shit go.

Whether it's drinking and driving with them in the car, assaulting them, leaving them stranded, providing them with drugs and alcohol, or knowingly hot lining unfounded accusations because you're pissed at me or someone in my house... I will not put up with that. I will not forget. I will not "just let it go."

You can tell me I'm being ridiculous, you can call me "cold and unforgiving", you can tell me I'm being childish and need to grow up, you can question my salvation and tell me I need church, you can even tell me I'm unreasonable, I'm acting just like my mother and still, I'm not going to "just let it go." You call it "cold and unforgiving", I call it integrity. I call it standing my ground. Stable, dependable, solid. Same words but with a different view. I know where I stand, you know where I stand. always. I know my faults. I know my weaknesses. I know my strengths. I know my character. I know me better than anyone else does so, at the end of the day, when I look in the mirror, and I can honestly say that I like me- warts and all, that I am proud of the person I was today... that's all that matters.

14 comments:

  1. Maybe when mommy gets a bit older, she won't be quite so strict. If something really isn't going to matter 10 years from now then it is OK to let it go.

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    1. I do understand letting go of the small things :) My kids are kind of... wild. Unruly. There are actually very few things behavior-wise I will take a stand on. School is serious business, in my opinion. With Walter in this post, it's about work ethic. I think that's a vital thing to have.

      The adults, however, are old enough to know better. I don't need to do "teachable moments", they are fully grown and fully aware. I see it as I need to make a decision on who I want in my life, around my children, in my home. If they are not a good influence, they don't care for my children's safety, they have no problem attacking the children to get to the adults... Those are not people I need to waste my precious time/energy on.

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  2. Funny. I have the same rules in my house. And, no... I just don't let it go, because when we do we teach them to become master negotiators who bend rules thinking they'll just negotiate their way out of it later. Not so. Sometimes, if it's a holiday, or the teacher's sick or something they may not update their books online showing the late/missing assignment was turned in. That means,even if it were turned in my daughter is still grounded until it's shown to be on the school site. It is the way it is. Should've gotten her work done, and it wouldn't be like that. Same with anything else. I am not unreasonable, but I am stubborn when it comes to right, and wrong.

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    1. Hey, I get it! Did you read one of my latest? lol It was quite similar in topic.

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    2. About your teen? I saw that :D

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  3. I am also a no-nonsense mom! Give an inch and expect a mile to disappear quicker than you can turn around. Say it -- mean it -- and follow through teaches respect and yes integrity! PEACE

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  4. I'm the same way. What I say goes. You wanna come to my house and break everything, nope your not allowed inside. You wanna cuss and hit go home. End of story. I'm not going to alow your child to abuse mine because you don't think it's that big of a deal.
    As for phones, iPads, computers. They are mine. I paid for them I pay the phone bill and until you move out I can do as I please with them. People think I'm invading privacy when I flip through Facebook or read texts. No I'm not from day one when he got his phone and Facebook these were the rules and I let him know I will do it. To him I'm not invading his privacy it's just the rules to be able to have a phone and Facebook. Funny thing it's other adults who freak when they find out I do this not kids.

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    1. Woot! Preach it, Sister!

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    2. First time he got a threading text. From a unknown person he came to me immediately. He knew he was not in trouble and I could help.

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  5. Oh I also made my kid pay for Netflix out of his money. He wanted it not us. Kinda funny to see him with a bill to keep track of. I figure it's teaching him as well but over something that's not as big as say a electric bill. So when he does get his own place he has a idea of how bills work.

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  6. I believe in being strict because, if I'm not.. then what kind of adults will I be submitting to society? We have enough of the entitlement shit going around, thanks. Whenever my kids tell me I'm being a "mean mommy" with a punishment, I know I've usually done the right thing. Look crazy? Oh God, yes. But you know what? 9 out 10 times, my sons- both my Autistic son AND my NT gingerdemon - know when they've gone too far with me. They have chores, they have responsibilities, and if that crap isn't taken care of, they don't go anywhere. End of story.

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