Saturday, February 23, 2013

I called my son a name... and I couldn't be more proud.



This morning, I was laying in bed waking up when I heard crying and Walter asking my brother to look at the Goofy One's hand because he threw a snowball at him. My brother said, "You threw ice at him?" "No, a snow ball." "It's ice." "There's snow under the ice." "No, there's not. It's ice." Out of bed and to the kitchen I go. Fresh out of bed, no coffee, mostly asleep, I lost my temper and I called my son a dipshit.

Standing in the kitchen, looking at my son, I'm furious. I cursed his impulsiveness, lectured him on thinking first and called him a dipshit for throwing ice at his brother when he should know better. He sat in the kitchen chair looking at me and did what I least expected. He diffused the situation and turned my entire argument back on me with a bland look and a sentence. "You don't need to call me that." I'm surprised at his quiet demeanor and his direct words addressing my behavior, not me as a person, and out of reflex I keep going, "I'm sorry, but was that not a stupid thing to do?" He looks me in the eye, keeps his emotions out of his face and says, "Yes, it was. But you don't need to call me that."

I'm in shock. My brother starts laughing and tells Walter, "You think that's bad, you should have heard the things we were called growing up!" and I'm thinking... he's right. both of them. I look at my son who has still not broken eye contact, not moved a muscle, standing his ground. I see a boy on his way to becoming a man facing down a bully, not responding with aggressiveness but not backing down and I think of my own words, my actions, my hypocrisy, the cycle of abuse- intentional or not, abuse is abuse... and... I have no response available except to kiss my boy and tell him how proud I am of him. So very proud of the way he stood up for himself. #Respect

14 comments:

  1. oh mama, we all say things we don't mean. It makes us human.....though kudos to him for being so grown up about it, and kudos to you for realizing your mistake. That is what makes you a good mama! we will all make mistakes with our kids, but realizing them, admitting them and apologizing is what makes us better parents :)

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  2. I love this so much!!! One middle of the night not-so-proud-mom-moment I called my boys "Little Shits"....

    Oops! We learned a few things that night. And now, whenever someone makes a similar mistake we all laugh and say in unison "Little Shits!"

    I'm sure the folks around us are a little bit confused, but we know what we mean!!

    Love you Mac!! We have totally got to get your Dipshits and my Little Shits together one of these days. They are already making the world a better place, imagine the walls they could break down together!!! (tee hee!)
    xoxo

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    1. Tsara... every single time you comment... I love you more <3

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  3. It is amazing to literally see our kds growing up and maturing in front of our eyes. Love when we can learn just as much from them as they can from us. He handled himself well! He may have been responding to what you said, but don't forget... he's becoming the man he is because he's been raised by an awesome mama!

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    1. Isn't it? He is pretty wonderful :)

      Thank you.

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  5. Growth comes out of many different roots! Some of the ugliest crap I have ever witnessed has produced the most beautiful outcomes.

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  6. Oh boy, that's so me. I don't use dipshit because he'll repeat that, but I use turkey, a bunch. I want to use all sorts of swears most of the time, particularly during homework sessions when he does a great job for 5 minutes and then the next 5 minutes makes careless errors on the same exact subject matter and does it all wrong because he's not paying attention anymore.
    The brother attacks are just insane. It takes several attacks within a short period to get me riled up. For instance, poking, then I say, "You may keep your hands to yourself." Wedging a doll on his sisters head in her carseat, "don't do that, get your own toy, keep it in your hands." Then steals toy from 6 month old baby sister, "Are you playing with her toy???" then I pull over, too mad to drive and have the talk.
    It won't end, it is how we approach it that matters. Sometimes I lose my shit. Said doll will go flying to the back of the car after I take it off her head, "I can't believe you!" will come out of my mouth. Followed by, "Are you KIDDING ME????" And finally, "I'm all out of nice. Nice mom has just left and now you get mean mom, if you want nice mom back you had better keep your hands to yourself, stop lying and making excuses, and play nice."
    Lovely day.

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