Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Eyes on the Prize

You know those days? The ones that make you crazy? The ones where you don't even know what to think? The times where every thing that can go wrong does go wrong until you get to the point that you are so frustrated, so overwhelmed, so drowning that you hit that place where you can do nothing but laugh at the absurdity?

I hit that place last night. I'm sitting here with my head in my hands wondering if I really am living the life of Alice in Wonderland. Questioning... in this story, am I more Alice or the Mad Hatter? Because I'm feeling more Mad Hatter than any other. Do I laugh? Cry? Rage at the world? This life is freaking insane!!! What am I even doing!? What is the point in all of this!?

I'm reading all of these dark things, these angry things. Everywhere around me is darkness and bad feelings, anger, frustration, hatred, arguing, bickering and I can't get away from it. How did I let things get this out of control? How did I get sucked into this?

I stopped concentrating on treading water is what I did. I started looking around me. Watching what was going on with other people and their chosen battles and forgot to just keep swimming. I took my eye off of what I was swimming for. I forgot that I don't get involved in anything but what matters most to me...

Family.

My family. Your family. Living life. Together. Online. Offline. Wherever we happen to be, living with our families, loving our families dealing with our daily joys and stresses, that is what's important. That is what I do. I took a good long, hard look at why I do what I do...


My Husband

Whether or not my husband ever gets me to put my own laundry away...
(I will. eventually.)

My Brother

<3 there's no whether or not here, the guy is perfect.
(and single, ladies)

Thing1

Whether or not Thing1 ever gets his own washer/dryer ...
(I'm hoping not)

Thing2

Whether or not Thing2 ever gets his driver's permit...
(hint hint, dude.)

Walter
Whether or not Walter ever passes 7th grade...
(or survives insulting his mother)

Alex

 Whether or not Alex ever speaks...
(hopefully not the phrase I tried to teach him in response to insult)

Goofy

Whether or not the Goofy child can read...
(behavior or ability? Riddle me THAT, Batman)

Goofy, My nephew- The Little D and Alex's Sister

Whether or not we ever get to go to story time again...


My niece- The Tiniest Supervillain

Whether or not the girl ever doesn't lock herself in the bathroom and play in my hair products...

The Grandbaby
Whether or not the girl ever stops obsessing over the power button...


I must say,
God, I have been blessed!


The things going on over there on the bank... vax vs antivax, has autism vs autistic, cure vs acceptance... those are not my issues to fight. Those things have nothing to do with me. I know where I stand. I know what I believe. No one will sway me on my positions and I have no interest in swaying anyone else. These people up there, listed in photos? That's my prize. My goal in life. My motivation. They are everything I always wanted to be. They are the reason treading water is usually effortless and easy. They are the reason my laughter is more the laughter of happiness and less the hysterical laughter of the dark side of insanity.

My gaze is focused now. I know what I'm doing. I know why. and I'm happy with that.

7 comments:

  1. I think you are a very wise woman. I have managed to finally get to that perspective myself...and I think I have about 10 years on you, so basically, I am a little slow :) I consider you a part of my online "family" and you will always be a person who has made this journey easier.

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  2. Looks like you know what counts! Hugs...

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  3. I like giggling just on this side of insanity because it keeps my family wondering! You go and love your family to pieces!!!! Glad you take time to laugh along the way!

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  4. wait wait wait...HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE????

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  5. a. what jim said. ;)

    and

    b. a very wise fish sang: 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'

    you got it mama - our family is what keeps us going. we need to be there for them! <3

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  6. Also, what Jim said and... you've got the right idea.

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  7. Nice family! You are very lucky.

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