Saturday, January 12, 2013

Dear God, ...COME ON!!!!

So, I'm totally going to cheat my way through the first part of this blog post by using yesterday's status updates to tell you what happened. and I don't even care. because it's like that. yeah. and, I'm not even editing them because I already said where they're coming from. So...

Status update 1:
Gah! If you didn't read the blog post one post back, it's a crazy morning as usual (I'm blaming the kids. It's not my fault I overslept. nope. not at all.) anyway, the LD fell back asleep- annoying- but I went to get Alex ready to go to school anyway... poop. 'nough said.

I'm about |this| close to quitting my job and I'm looking for a replacement. My husband would prefer that you did windows, dusted every once in a while and not "let" the kids break things. Interested?

and 2:
Ok, so. I got a phone call. The Goofy one slid down the slide right into a water puddle. *shocker*, right? Well, he was sent to the nurse's office where he could not answer the question "are your pants wet all the way through?" so, the nurse checked and wanted to let me know he wasn't wearing underwear. How was I supposed to know anyone would be looking!? we were in a hurry! and his shoes are wet ...and she would like for me to know he's not wearing any socks either. *hangs head* Also, his teacher thinks maybe he didn't have his medicine. and, he could not understand why the recess aide could not take him home to get different clothes (makes you feel real good to know your kid will leave with anyone). He gets home and as soon as the door opens, there's a little boy just dying to tell me Goofy was pestering a girl on the bus and the bus driver lets me know Goofy took his shoes off as soon as he got on the bus...

Thank God It's FRIDAY!!!!!

So, there I am laying in the floor staring at the ceiling contemplating how in the world they got jelly up there and wondering how long it's going to take for someone to wipe it off (by someone, I mean not me), when  Alex stops his spinning to the music and comes to sit down by my head. He makes eye contact and jabbers at me. and then tries to pick my nose, poke my eyes out, and pull my ears off. I'm laughing at him and dodging his probing fingers when my phone rings. (are you remembering now why I hate my phone so much?) and it's Alex's Mommy. She's wondering "what's up" and in my usual talkative way, I fill her in. "Nothing, really." "Well, you said you'd call me after Goofy's appointment yesterday." and the fact that I didn't doesn't clue you in on how it went? "Yeah." "well, how did it go?" "crappy. they said get an advocate and make the school do something." "and did you do that?" keep talking, woman. just keep talking... "No." and then it's cough syrup. How? I don't know, I wasn't listening. so, it was cough syrup and why my kids aren't sick then she wants to know why I'm so quiet. "I'm just tired." "Oh, you need a break." oh, yeah. she did. really? you think so? I wonder why no one else has said that... I was trying to keep Alex out of my various pools of liquid- dish water, mop bucket, turtle tank, coffee... you know, the usual. "You know, I'm having a hard time hearing you and I can't walk away. Can I call you back later?" "Oh. Yeah." alright then, click. God, are you done with me yet?

Nope. While I'm sitting there with my head tilted back on the wall, eyes closed, praying for patience, it hits me that Alex is awfully quiet... shit. I glance around and out of the corner of my eye see a mostly naked humanoid run past the back door. the other side of the back door. and the chase is on. with Alex giggling his diapered little butt off as I run as fast as an old smoker can run trying to grab ahold of any part of him I can grab ahold of since his slippery self isn't wearing any clothing. Nice show for the new neighbors. They are so going to love us. I wonder if we were mentioned in the disclosure statement...

Walter comes in and wants to know if he can go to his friend's house. NO! Why not? Why not!? because I don't even want to think about how that can go wrong. Tomorrow. go see your friend tomorrow. Walter: *backs away slowly* Good call, buddy. good call.


  1. I love reading your posts. I really do. I always rest assured that I am not alone in my crazy yet somehow hilarious days. I don't know how many times someone has realized that my oldest is missing underwear..or socks..Oh the excuses I have come up with! LOL
    P.S. I am totally giggling at the thought of you chasing Alex. :)

  2. As long as the grownups stay decent, the neighbors will just have to put up with the pants (and underwear)optional members of the family. Gotta have a little fun with it now and then.

  3. I am pretty much convinced you are a superhero :)

    1. haha, just call me Super Mom, the real life representation of disorganization, anti-routines, madness and mayhem. ;)

  4. "So, there I am laying in the floor staring at the ceiling contemplating how in the world they got jelly up there"...