Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Watch. Your. Mouth.

I know the point I want to get across, here. I know what I want to say, in general, but there are so, so many things to say I don't know where to start. There are so many very good reasons for what I want to say but I don't know how to pick and choose which ones to use.

Normally, I don't want anything to do with school issues because I worry. A lot. If there's a reason to or not, I worry. This can be good in some ways but I take it beyond reason. Every once in a while, though, I can't not hear them. and this one is the one I hear yesterday...
and this brings me to my point. Parent, teacher, babysitter, brother, sister, friend, co-worker, other parents... it does. not. matter. how you are involved with someone else, it does not even matter if the person you are talking to is special needs or neurotypical, you need to watch your mouth. You need to guard your words. You need to #2: Think First- use nice words, use nice words to express your feelings.

Words are dangerous weapons, man. They leave scars, they leave bruises that never go away. One small thing you say can change a person forever. It can hurt them in a way no physical punishment ever could and those words, so carelessly spoken, repeat themselves in that person's mind over and over for the rest of their lives.

I explain Rule #2 to my boys this way, how would you feel? Even my parenting style is influenced by cruel words. I lead by example, I believe hard-core in admitting my own mistakes and owning my actions because of one small thing my mother screamed at me in the heat of anger- "Little Goody-Two-Shoes never does anything wrong." "Everyone thinks you are so great because you put on a show out in public but they don't see you at home." 20 years later, those words still haunt me. Those words will never go away and every time I hear someone tell me I did something right or good, those are the words I hear and I want to tell them, yeah, that's because you don't see me at home, I'm not as great as you think I am.

"Shut. Up." I hate those words with a passion. No matter how much the person talks, are they not worthy of being heard? When you speak, you want someone to listen. Why are you so much better than them? Why are the things you have to say so much more important than the person you are quieting in such a harsh way? Every time they have something to say from there on out, they will hear your words and wonder if what they have to say is really so important, if anyone really wants to hear what they have to add or if they should just Shut. Up. and listen.

Even more than that, your words will be passed on. Your words will not end with the person you say them to. As much as they hear your words, at some point, your exact words will come out of their mouth to someone else. It's an almost unbreakable chain. Your words will, without a doubt, affect more than just the one person you say them to.

Your words can build them up or tear them down. Why is it so much easier to use mean and hate-filled words than it is to say something nice? Don't you understand what an impact your words have? Do you realize that words can build them up as easily as they will tear them down? "You're so pretty." "you're so smart." "I love when you..." "Thank you so much!" are those words not just as easy to use? Don't you know in 20 years they will look at themselves in the mirror and hear your words? What words do you want people to hear when they look at themselves?

9 comments:

  1. LOVE THIS POST!! I dislike shut up also...hate it actually. I don't even talk about my son in front of others anymore because I realized he hears every word I say and I don't want to ever hurt him. I only want him to hear positive things about himself. Thank you for this post!!!

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  2. Words can also quite easily kill someone or at least their self esteem. I am a 4.0 nursing student, BEAUTIFUL kids especially my angel, and always able to feel good in my skin...even knowing those things about me, someone I care about lost his temper and called me worthless. I spent the next year in a daze where I was barely able to care for myself much less my kids. It culminated in me taking 124 motrin 800. I felt if I was so worthless, the world would have been better without me. My 6 year old (NT) called 911 and saved me even though I now have permanent kidney damage and at most 55% remake function. I am better in my mind, but it only took that little word...

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  3. Remake should be renal in above post. Spellcheck apparently changes medical terms to something COMPLETELY different.

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  4. IT IS SOOOOO HARD! I just told the kids to shut up before school. I am so sick of the bickering and annoying BS. Sometimes they just need to shut up! How do you do it? Are your kids always polite? Never call each other names? Don't argue? The worst part of parenting to me is the prompting. I am so tired (hence my name) of always telling them what to say, how to say it, how would you fee? Etc. IT NEVER ENDS!! I prompt my 14 yr old the most. Seriously? She knows better, but starts anyway. I personally have had many dysfunctional cycles to break, so the yelling and blowing it sometimes, well they will just have to get over it.

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    1. LOL!! No, my kids are not always polite. at all. They call names, racial slurs (Walter's mexican), slams against mental ability ('tard, idiot), sexual orientation (faggot is a big one) constantly. It NEVER ends. ever. Every day it's the same BS and they WON'T listen to a word I say no matter how many time outs or lectures they get and they don't seem to understand if THEY wouldn't use those words, the smaller ones wouldn't either. I fail in watching my mouth almost daily, actually, I *just* yelled at Goofy, but I know what I'm doing as soon as the words are out and I'm not afraid to say sorry and explain why what I just said was not cool. It's hard to break the chain. I can say, however, that I am careful to make sure they hear how wonderful they are more than I lose control of my words.

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    2. Thanks :) now I don't feel like the worst mom on the planet!

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    3. Oh, thank god. You both just made me feel very normal. LOL

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  5. I haven't forgotten the teacher who said I wouldn't remember to bring in a certain record to share because I was irresponsible. Cut me to the quick because 'responsible' was my middle name.

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