Saturday, December 31, 2011

In response to There's Hope's post "Duct tape is not the answer"...

My Dear, sweet, loving friend,

I love you with all my heart and have since the moment I set eyes on you and I know I won your heart the moment my brother poked me really, really hard in the leg with a painfully sharp stick for telling your daughter to watch how she talked to you in front of me at the zoo. You are my soul mate, you were meant for me... BUT, you are soooo very WRONG!!! Sometimes, duct tape is the only answer...

 Do you remember the first time you came over and Big Daddy and my brother ganged up on me and you thought it was hilarious when I got my wooden spoon? Well, duct tape doesn't break ;)

and do you remember when I told you about Thing 2 thinking he was the funniest thing ever until his Aunt and Thing 1 duct taped him to the tree out front?

Or when I told you about Big Daddy and Thing 1 trying to hold me down handcuff me? well, duct tape stretches farther than handcuffs and duct tape doesn't leave bruises. Maybe if they had used duct tape they would have been successful and I wouldn't have worn the evidence for weeks after.

and remember when Thing 1 was being a pain in the a$$ (because, when is he not?) and the Aunt and Thing 2 turned him INTO a roll of duct tape?

Or when Thing 1 decided he was big and bad and put me and Big Daddy into a position where we had no choice but for Big Daddy to hold him down while I tied his shoe laces together? Would have been easier with duct tape...

and remember the other day when Thing 2 was running his mouth all. freaking. day. long. because I made his underage friend take his cigarette and leave and I begged and begged and begged you to bring me duct tape to wrap around his mouth to make him shut. up.? and you said noooo, that's "child abuse"... so I asked you to bring a priest and you didn't? and then you didn't even bring the whiskey you promised... ?

So, you see, my beautiful lady? Sometimes, duct tape IS the answer. and ha.

Alexander the Somber

Here lately we have been having a lot more days like today. He's in my world. I say "my world" because I am what he is focused on, I am the only thing he sees, the only thing that matters. I can be sitting in his floor waiting for him to notice me or in the kitchen sitting beside him waiting to be acknowledged and he'll walk up, hover or lean over and kinda rock in my face while looking oh, so solemnly into my eyes, searching for something. I'm not sure what he is searching for but he's intense, unwavering in his stare. For several seconds I forget what's going on around us and I get lost in his gaze, this... look that is ancient and innocent, knowing and seeking, powerful and gentle all at the same time. After a time he has one deep, quiet, simple, unanswerable question- "why?" I wish so desperately he could ask me the question and I could have an answer. but I don't know what he's asking. I can see the seriousness in his face, I know the deliberateness of his question but I don't know the answer.

Now, I'm wondering if I made a mistake. They wanted to use other means of communication at school and I gave them a flat out NO. He doesn't have the fine motor skills or the hand coordination for sign language, PECS are not good because he doesn't understand line drawings- he's still at the object, almost kinda photograph level, I hate the communication devices. There is NO reason he can't use his words- he has several of them and used them until they gave him another option. Then he traded "all done" for a picture of Blue from Blue's Clues. I told them I didn't WANT him using any means other than his own verbalization's because he has the ability to speak his needs. At home he asks- with his words- for a cup, a bite, TV, goodbye... anything he REALLY wants, he asks for. verbally. But now I'm wondering... if I was to allow alternative communication, could he finish the question? If I would give just a little in my expectations, could we have the conversation I so desperately want? In pushing him to be functional, am I compromising who he is, who he could be? Am I losing sight of the boy in my own ideas of what he can do?

This is a question I would really love an answer to because I don't know what to do here. I looked at ipads because he does like the touch screen computer and he can totally rock the Dora thing on TV (love interactive shows) but I'm not sure it's worth the investment because I don't know that he could use it for communication. pecs make no sense to him. as far as I know, he can't read. If he can't read words and can't read drawings, what good would any app be to him? and how in the world can he ace Dora's questions and not know drawings?

Financially, I really can't afford an ipad, I know there are places that can help like Loud Mommy and  A4cwsn and itaalk, but I wonder, if I would get one of these and Alex can't use it, would some other kid have been able to? I could go through Medicaid and get some kind of device but could I do that without feeling guilty about "wasting" taxpayers' money? No. Even though I, myself, have paid plenty of taxes and my husband and Alex's father are taxpayers, I couldn't with a clear conscience ask for something so extravagant.But then again, it's for Alex. To talk. It's not like I'm going out blowing $1,000+ on boots for myself...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Come walk a mile in my shoes...

I got nothing for today so I'm just giving you a play by play of our day. We started out with a "normal" kid activity and conned Grandma and the Pretty Pretty Princess into playing too.

We continued on to a very yummy lunch of peanut butter and jelly

Then decided to follow that up with "movie time" until one big mouth uttered the dreaded "N" word and I had to reassure these lovely little sweeties we were NOT taking a nap, we were watching a movie...

After the little ones woke up from their "movie time" we had some free play which included lots of running around and a zombie attack.

That's when they decided to take refuge in a protected area...

Which was on board a ship that sailed unnavigated into stormy seas and shark infested waters

All that work to find a safe harbor made them hungry for a snack

Then, more wandering while the others...

hopped aboard the time-out train for not using nice hands.

Then the fun of time out continued...



What am I going to DO with this child!? 30 minutes later he was finally done with time out. We've been working at this for a while (read: years) and STILL he has to be... well, Goofy. Hm. ADHD, possible Aspergers or bad parenting...? Any suggestions on fixing this demon child are welcome because he's starting to figure out I can't look at him during time out for laughter reasons. *sigh*

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


This morning started at a dead run. I woke up at 7:37 and all was quiet. I listened a minute just to make sure and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 8:42... still quiet so I thought ah, just five more minutes. Somewhere around 9 I heard sneaky feet then someone poke the Goofy child beside me and the whispered word "snow." Uhg. They're up and gone. Dangit. ok. at least I got to sleep until 9. That's awesome. Then the "snow" was just enough to make a muddy mess so... sorry, not gonna happen. This announcement causes mass meltdown between Walter's "What!? Why not!? I'm dressed!!!" and The Little Dementor's battle with Grandma over why he can't go outside because Walter is and Goofy's "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!? It's SNOW!!!!" and the Tiniest Supervillain has to add her wailing which rouses the oh-so-grumpy Thing 1 who IS NOT a morning person and the sound of the emotional explosion in the next room is just over the top and then starts the "momomomomom, come on in? comeonin, comeonin, comeonin? Goodmorning!" from Alexander the Great's bedroom. Oh, Good Lord, have mercy on me this morning, mama needs coffee. But mama can't get coffee until the nuclear meltdown is diverted because the Three Musketeers (Thing 2 and his usual 2 guests) are sleeping sprawled out across the living room. Get them settled down and get my coffee.

Then I realize it's a weekday. and I have phone calls to make. Alexander has been medication free for 2 years but the school is concerned that his ADHD is inhibiting his learning capabilities and I'm down to my last box of diapers and I got my 4th letter denying a push wheelchair on Christmas Eve. If I procrastinate too much longer, we're gonna be screwed. So I call the doctor's office. I have to call the seating and mobility company to talk to their requesting people about the chair. I have to call the diaper people about the diapers and in all this I forget to ask for a consult appointment for ADHD medicine. Ok, fine. I call back about the appointment and tell her what I need and why, what he was on before and what I DON'T want with the medicine and that he cannot do the concerta because he has to have chewable or crushable medicine to hide in food. The whole time I'm talking to her I'm trying to fix breakfast because I have a bunch of munchkins crowding around my feet begging for food like a bunch of poorly trained puppies. Loudly. I get off the phone with her and get the oatmeal done, set the brats at the table and call the seating company, called the wrong area and had to re-call the seating company to try to explain that it was denied for more submitting mistakes but the woman I need isn't there and I need to leave a message... which I hope she was able to hear over the banging metal spoons against glass bowls going on in the background. Get done there and call the number I have in my phone labeled "diapers". They do not have Alex on file anywhere. Not by name, phone number, address or insurance info. Am I sure we get diapers through them? Why else would the number be in my phone under "diapers"? Well, check the package. ok fine. call these people while "Jayden" and "Antonio" bicker about who has to sit next to the girl. *sigh* This company is a distributor. Not a provider. I have to call the provider. I took the Lord's name in vain. I really did. And this guy seemed to sense I was about to just lose my mind and took pity on me. He gave me the name of the company and the phone number I needed to call. We should be getting a diaper shipment soon and I now have the right number in my phone.

Then I get Alexander the Great's breakfast, cup, diaper and hand sanitizer and head for his room. I get one diaper off and the other 1/2 on and my phone starts ringing. I CANNOT miss these calls!! I know the kind of mess I risk coming back to but, can't. miss. it. so I go running. Alex looking at me like what the heck? I get my phone and try to listen while getting back to Alex and a guitar playing- I swear, as loud as he could play it on purpose :) I shut Thing 1's door on the way to Alex and find out that (YES!!) Alex's prescription is waiting to be picked up. Except Big Daddy took my car to work (probably because icy roads and snow at 4am) and won't be home until late but Thing 1 says he can get it. (Thank God for driving teens). Start feeding Alexander. We're down to 2 more bites when I hear CRASH! *insert dirty words* I told Alex we gotta hurry with theses last bites because that didn't sound good. He nodded yeah :) love it.

Luckily, this time the CRASH was the cat knocking the trash can over and it was already under control so I head downstairs. and this is what I find...
Where The Wild Things Are

found a quiet hiding place :)

What the hell happened!? I was almost done!!!

I'm going to let you imagine the rest of the day because I'm not sure there's enough room in a year's worth of blogs to describe it...
oh, no.

too late.

she did.

New Year's Resolutions

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I think it's a bunch of year long goals you lose interest in within a week or two and I don't think there's anything important enough to me to make a resolution about. What I do do is new beginnings. Like a seasonably seasonally do-over. Every season of every year is a new beginning. The rising of every sun is a new start, a new chance to be something you weren't yesterday or somehow do it better but the changing of the seasons is something else, something spectacular. Like bringing in a new year... how often does that happen? Only once a year. So, it's time for a new start. and every season I pick the same way to go about a new start. In order to have a clean slate, you have to clean the slate- amiright? huh? yup. That's what I thought. so I'm cleaning my slate. Or, in this case- house.

I spend my days cleaning- every day. Picking up, straightening this and that, cleaning food, crayon, toothpaste, hair gel, lotion, makeup and shampoo off of walls, doors, cribs, tables- pretty much any surface low enough to reach. But that doesn't cover all the cleaning that needs to be done because there just aren't enough hours in the day. I do a load of laundry a day but as Non-stop Mom can tell you, that doesn't quite cut it. Then some weekends I can't get to the basement to do the loads upon loads that pile up so I just get farther and farther behind. Then there are bedrooms I don't touch. and a second living room that I rarely even look at. Which again, is in the basement. Because, yes, I will admit it, I am a 30 year old woman who's petrified of the basement. It's scary down there, people!

So, my goal for the new year is to get the house cleaned top-to-bottom before the 1st. Including laundry. And, of course, I had to pick the week we have extra kids. Sigh. But, whatever. I need to make real room for them now anyway because thanks to Mr. Judge, they will be here alternate weeks. Like every other week. 2 weeks out of the month. 1/2 of the time. so, they need space too. fun. What better time to get started than the start of a new year?

So today, I started in the basement. Not posting before pictures for obvious reasons :)

household closet

laundry area- the washer/dryer would be a dead giveaway

more closet space and laundry sorting

downstairs bathroom

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Silent Sunday (Silent does not mean Absent)

There's a difference in silent (quiet; still) and absent (nonexistent).
So today... a lovely lesson in the difference in those words.

Communication can be silent.
Like, non-verbal.
 as in...
*drum roll* 
Check this out!!!
I posted it on facebook the other day but it's good enough to deserve an encore...

Alex's newest and most impressive skill EVER in the history of Alex.


And the crowd goes WILD!!!
*crazy bunches of clapping*

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

To bite or not to bite...

Yet another letter from the school. Now Alex is biting. My reaction reading that... Come on, you freakin tattletales!!! It's not like he's REALLY biting. like hard. like hurting. like drawing blood. zombie style. He's EXPLORING. You know, that thing small toddlers do? and besides that, you should feel honored!! This is awesome. There's only one person he's comfortable putting in his mouth and that's me (and very, very few objects). So in a round about way, his teeth or tongue on your arm is like "I love you." "I trust you." "Will you be my new mom?" So, don't be upset, smile and say I love you too.

Plus, what am I suppose to do about it? I tell him all the time, "ALEX!! QUIT LICKING ME!!" and "DID YOU JUST BITE ME!?" He don't listen. You have the ABA, the OT... which reminds me, blame the OT. She's the one trying to get him to put things in his mouth to make brushing his teeth easier. You want him to put things in his mouth or not? Now, personally, this makes as much sense to me as his old OT teaching him how to unlock locks. Teach him to unlock locks, he gets out and gets hit by a car. Teach him to put things in his mouth, he puts things (people) in his mouth. Duh. Hopefully he doesn't put things in his mouth followed by choke and die. That would suck. and I would blame OT.

So, that's my final answer. I'm locking it in. Send the note to OT. It's "bad" therapying, not bad parenting. Now, I'm going to go play with my kid and spend the rest of Christmas break requesting a cease and desist order for arm licking and the occasional "bite".

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas Ready

Today is Alexander the Great's last day of school before Christmas break and Thing 2 and Walter both have half days today and tomorrow. I had this big plan, this list to get ready for Christmas Day.

1. Have to get the food together and ready. Well, we already have the food and I put the non-perishable items in a box as we unpacked the groceries. I can't get them put together and ready to go in the oven until Saturday so... check.

2. Have to get the presents wrapped. and hidden because some dummy thought it would be a wonderful idea to teach Goofy to identify his name as the first step to writing his name. Wrapping presents for "Bob and Sue" "who don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of" won't explain Goofy's name written on the package. Since I wrap them as we get them (because who can afford to buy them all at once?)... check.

3. Have to get the house company-ready. I have 3 days to get it done, 5 rooms to do. Alex's room- done. His room HAS to be company-clean, ALL THE TIME. Partially for him because he seems to like it and partially because he poops everywhere and it has to be cleaned up and partially because if there aren't toys everywhere, he's not tripping on them and I'm not getting our almost monthly surprise visit from Children's Protective Services. done. My room- well, we can tell them we're housing rattle snakes in there for the conservation dept because they need somewhere to hold them before they release them into the city sewer system... done. The bathroom- We have lots of kids who take lots of baths which destroys the bathroom daily. Toys and massive flooding and boys who couldn't hit the inside of the toilet bowl to save their lives... done. So, I'm down to 2 rooms. We have the baby here pretty frequently and we like to give her floor time so we (I) try to keep the living room baby-friendly because besides Alex's room, it's the only room with a gate to block Alex and keep baby safe. That leaves the kitchen. which gets destroyed every day anyway so if I get it company-ready today, it will be trashed by bed time. sooo... procrastinate. and that means this list... check.

And now, what is left to prepare for Christmas? Nothing today except to enjoy my last day of freedom and 1:1 time with the Goofy child. This, my friends, is how preparation and procrastination go hand in hand as mama's most important tools in getting Christmas-ready. :) Enjoy your day because I sure plan to.

Monday, December 19, 2011

There was a little "girl" who had a little curl...

So, Saturday, there I am minding my own business (for real this time, I really was) when Thing 1 comes hollaring "Mac!!!" "Yeah?" "I'm going to buy POT!!!"

... ... ... Did I just hear an invitation to search? Why, I believe I did. or he's messing with me so I'll clean his room. Joke's on him, I don't need to go searching through the entire room, I know where his stash is from previous searches. and his new room is easier to search than the old one because he can't get INTO the ceiling or walls and the heating vents go up and down instead of side to side.

The thing is, it's getting kinda boring finding new and improved ways to dispose of smuggled goods. There's only so many ways to destroy it. So I'm thinking I'm going to have to find new and improved, more entertaining ways to FIND smuggled goods. Anonymous tip to the local DEA? That could be fun. K-9 units? Goofy LOVES dogs!!! Oooooo, I could start printing up my own search warrants and buy ass-stomping boots and dress the part when I go to search!!! Woo! (I'm all for any reason to buy new boots, lol) I could even train Mom's chiuauas to sniff around and tie vests with DEA K-9 UNIT written on them to their backs!!! That would be awesome!!! Role play! Woot-Woot!! ... and that may work in Big Daddy's favor too... um, anyway,

Maybe I should stop counting on the public school's 5th grade D.A.R.E. education program and just invite them to come here once a month until all my brats move out. Or, since the police seem to already have our phone numbers on speed-dial, address memorized and are uncomfortably familiar with my children, I could just have them stop by occasionally on their rounds for a quick randomly routine search. "HA! tol' ya not to bring it home. Those handcuffs look good on you- stylin', have a good visit with your new cellies, tell them I said hey."

Thought I was joking about falling off the kitchen table, didn't you?
Then the shenanigans don't end there. Sigh. For the first time in MONTHS, I'm talkin' last spring, I had to make not one but TWO come-get-your-bad-kids phone calls. First was Cruella. Yeah, shocker, huh? Apparently her mom was in such a hurry to hand her off because she's out of meds. Unmedicated ADHD in a child who is by nature cruel (hence the name) and unusual punishment on any adult in the first place... mhmm, thanks. One unmedicated child is like contagious or something. That child being all BLALALALA!!! makes the rest go friggin bat-shit insane too. Once fists start flying, warnings and time out stops working- it's time to pick up the phone (or delegate that responsibility to grandma). Finally, Grandma gets ahold of the Pretty Pretty Princess who is on. her. way. now.

Next is Thing 1 because bi-polarism is sooooo awesome. You know those guys who turn out to be douche bag woman (or anyone in general) disrespecters to the dismay of their parents who thought they taught them better? Yeah, that's not our kid. We already know we dropped the ball on that one. It's not because he hasn't seen better, his father is a wonderful man, a fantastic husband and a great father. and it's not that he hasn't been taught better, Thing 2 is one of the good guys. The one who walks up and knocks on the door for a date, opens a car door for her and walks his date back to her front door? Yeah. that one. that's my boy :) But Thing 1, sigh. I just don't even know what to say about that one. Sadly, I'm not even in the mood to search his room anymore.  But, there IS a silver lining here. After I sent his girl and the baby home for the weekend, Thing 1 left with his friend and... quiet. Well, as quiet as it can be with 3 hyped up teenagers (Thing 2 has company tonight) and a 2 year old on a sugar high. But that noise is a sweet sound :)    (just hope Walter, Alexander and Goofy keep on sleeping through it, lol)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Alexander the Great's Christmas Hell Follow Up.

According to Mommy, Alex Did pretty good getting pictures today. Well, more accurately, I asked- How'd it go? "uuuummmm.... well.... he... he... he... he did ok." then he wasn't all that upset about all the people, in 4 hours he only begged to leave and tried to bolt about 3 times but they distracted him with presents- which he loved opening this year, yay. and Daddy brought him home an hour late. yeah. I know!!! If I could put musical notes in my "Praise The Lord!!!", I so would. It would have been nice to know before 4:30 that they wouldn't be home by 4. Then I wouldn't have been quite so frustrated at 3:23 that I couldn't get a nap because when I went to lay down, everyone followed. Now, by saying "everyone", I am not exaggerating to make the story sound better. By "everyone" I mean really, no joking, EV-ER-Y-ONE... Goofy, Cruella,  Cruella's mom, Mom, T.S., Thing 1's girl and the baby along with Big Daddy. Serious. True story. In my bedroom while I am laying in my bed. Then I re-ticked everyone off when I told Cruella she WAS NOT staying because- remember when you yelled at me yesterday and I told you not to even bother asking? She giggles (uh-huh, she did) and said I'm sorry. Yeah? remember this next time you come over and think you can scream at me. No. Then Thing 1's girl when I told her I was sooo very serious yesterday when I said that's ENOUGH for the weekend. No. Go home. And it would have saved me a where-in-the-hell-is-my-kid phone call. But whatever, I appreciate the extra hour. Then when he got home....
He pushed the button ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!

same texture as the rubber duck so it's not offensive :)

Houston, we have eye contact!!!

At first I thought Elmo was hungry, until...

He tried putting the seal in the ... what is that? an SUV?

wouldn't fit in the window so maybe the top?

nope. how 'bout this window?

this one?

maybe I need to get the yellow octopus.

Yeah, the bus is nice but that's sooo last month.

maybe it will go inside Mater.

ahhh, forget it.

oooo, noisy AND lights!!!

Not so much the Christmas Hell I was afraid of. It turned out to be pretty good for him. And I got 5 hours to myself :) well, sort of.