Saturday, September 20, 2014

Goofy's Fear

There have been some strange things going on with my Goofy One lately. He started Adderall and I started seeing progress in the area of recognizing and respecting danger. It was awesome. Sort of.

We had some storms, in Missouri that's kind of expected. It happens a lot. He opened the curtains to keep an eye on the sky while he watched the weather. This is pretty normal for him. He's been watching the weather since before he was out of diapers (which was late, but still), what was a little odd is that he looked to me for reassurance. He shared his concern with me. This is progress, isn't it? I thought so.

...but then a few nights later he got onto me for smoking outside. I've smoked outside for as long as he can remember and there's never been a problem with it. The problem here is that it's dark and I'm on the back porch. He is worried that the wild animals will get me. The odd thing about this is we live in a busy part of South St Louis County. We don't have wild animals. In the 6 years that we have lived here, I think I saw a raccoon once but I can't swear that it wasn't a really big cat. We had a black snake once. Other than that... the most dangerous animal around here belongs to us.

Vicious thing. No mercy, no remorse.

But, ok. I'll just smoke on the front porch where there's a light. This one sort of worried me because honestly, even for my kid, it's weird. So I emailed his teacher and resource teacher. She said that he was doing great, she hadn't noticed any anxiety- he actually tried to calm another student who was afraid of thunder- but she would keep an eye on him.

Alright, I'm a paranoid mom. I get it. I need to relax and enjoy the fact that he is taking things seriously. He's maturing. There were little things here and there but I told myself to leave it alone.

We increased his Adderall.

Then came Dark Skies. Now, those of you who have followed us for a while know my Goofy One. He is a horror story fanatic. He loves them all. Zombies, Freddy, Jason...the scarier, the better. I guess it goes with the no fear thing. Or the youngest of 5 brothers thing. I'm not sure, but he's been interested in horror movies since he was a toddler and they have never scared him. Do you remember the flash of light I told you about? The one he woke me up for because he was scared?


Oh, yeah. Scary. Thank God, no more scary movies, maybe he can get some normal interests. (Yeah, I know. but I'M scared of these movies. They give me nightmares.)

It's all looking pretty good. I don't see a downside to this at all. Well, except that every night he comes up with reasons I shouldn't go out to smoke after dark, but that's minor.

Until he came to me in a complete and total panic that he couldn't go to the bathroom alone because there might be a poisonous spider and it might bite him and when I refused, he begged me to stand outside the door. Now that's not odd, that's terrifying. There's something wrong. There is no reason for him to even think there might be a spider and even if there was, it would never be something he needs protection from. He's the brave one. He's the one who saves me.

I messaged his pediatrician who messaged me back the next morning. He wants to know if we've moved yet because he knows where we live and that we'll be moving to the country- which would make his fears logical and a normal part of adjusting to a new home and area, when he found out we are in the same place we've always been, he told me to stop the Adderall now and we will not be starting a new medication until the anxiety symptoms are gone.

No meds until the anxiety symptoms are gone... high anxiety and unmedicated ADHD... for an undetermined amount of time... someone pass the wine, please. We're not even going to attempt this sober.